Kiwi women need to change themselves not their men - Expert

Kiwi women looking to preserve their relationships and find their happy ever after, need to look within according to one of the country's top relationship experts.

More than 8,000 Kiwi marriages end in divorce annually a figure author and psychologist Leanne French says could be reduced if women and men took greater responsibility for their own love stories.

In her new book Fairytale Love: How to Love Happily Ever After, French waves her fairy godmother’s wand on love and relationships and explains just why women are able to transform themselves from happy Disney Princess to Evil criticising Queen.

“It’s not uncommon for women to revert to a cultural norm of criticising, feeling disappointed in their partners and highlighting and communicating what’s wrong, rather than celebrating what’s right,” says French.

“I want to empower Kiwi women to understand that the changes they might be looking for outside of themselves are actually available within themselves. It’s time to enlighten Kiwis with the secrets for creating their own ‘happily ever after’ – the good news is it does exist,” she says.

French says fairytale analogies such as those featured in her book can awaken creativity, enliven our imaginations and direct our attention to common human conditions and traits of character.

“They can also entertain, empower and inspire you to really look at your own ways of thinking and behaving when faced with trials and triumph,” she says.

French, who has over 25 years’ experience counselling couples, says most problems can be resolved so couples stay together in harmony.

The negative emotional and economic consequences couples and subsequently their children face, can have devastating consequences. French says couples are often not armed with the resources to be more passionate and resilient within their relationships.

“We all need a fairy godmother with a magic wand to direct us towards better ways of loving and living because who actually teaches us this growing up? We mostly learn from what we see and I think we could do better,” she says.

But it’s not just Kiwi women who will benefit from looking within to create a successful relationship. French says Kiwi men respond well to practical tools to lift blame, invite more intimacy and connection.

Fairytale Love: How To Love Happily Ever After is available from www.leannefrench.com www.balboapress.com and www.balboapress.com.au